<% Response.ExpiresAbsolute = Now() - 1 Response.AddHeader "Cache-Control", "must-revalidate" Response.AddHeader "Cache-Control", "no-cache" %> The Morning Oats - A Bitter Cruel Substitute: 12/12/2004 - 12/19/2004

The Morning Oats - A Bitter Cruel Substitute

If you have a cruel link that you'd like to post, please use the "Add a Link" link below. As always, you can email me interesting subject matter at: my email address.
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Friday, December 17

The Horse is out of the Gate!

The domain name http://www.horseonovich.com is available. Go to http://www.godaddy.com to register it (or anywhere else) if that is your desire. If you are truly bored, you can register the .net and .org extensions too.

Like Zoo said, not sure who would actually want to have this URL...

Of course, it is just one of many infinite ways to toy with the Horse.

Please, if you register it, let us know that you did, and who you are. A cruel ID will be good enough, if you are a regular poster.

I fear it won't be available for long. Remember...if you get to it before Horse does, you might get some money out of him for it.

Thursday, December 16

Horse's new quest

Some people think Horse is our newest troll (who shall remain unnamed here, since this is a Blog About Horse(tm)!!!). However, that may not be true. Either way, it should be interesting to watch Horse engage in battle with him/her/it.

I say, grab yer guns and Giddyup!

Raid Over Bungholing Bay

I appreciate the submission, G.

No New Updates

I see you all out there. Reading. Daily. Over 100 of you. And that's not even counting the 50 or so visitors a day that are the Great Horse Himself!

But if you want any new material to read here, you people are going to have to submit stuff. Anything. Photos, poems, thoughts...quotes... Your call. I feel it is my journalistic duty to supply my readers with *something* Horse related a few times a week. Mail to: horsie_master at yahoo. com.

-- Newsflash -- We here at The Morning Oats are proud to announce that we are the #1 search return at google, when searching for 'horseonovich'. Simple pleasures my friends, simple pleasures.

Until then...A photo

** Special note to Zoo -

That is an interesting idea, however I'd rather not spend my own $9 on it. You feel free to, my friend.

Tuesday, December 14

Cantankerous, malodorous, prodigous...These are a few of my favorite things

Anyone ever get the feeling Horse likes words that end in "ous"?? It also seems these words can be easily interchanged as adjectives describing his steaming shitpiles of poo (or posts, you decide). I would also like to note that "The Morning Oats" now holds the #3 spot in search results on google.com. What is most disturbing is that this site is being beat out by one named "horseonovich.isgay.com". Nice. Thanks to all the loyal readers and submitters. Without you, this blog would just be a festering, cantankerous, malodorous, steaming pile of horse shit. Oh, wait... This is a long one, folks. I would just like to state for the record that the submitter, or, "he/she that shall not be named" obviously has no life to have taken the time this morning to compile this.


Oh, and pay no mind to Lechero. He's just a moaning old former crueller in his death throes. He occasionally slouches back on here to bemoan me, the cantankerous poor old fellah. It's a Titans to Gods transition. His time here is done, he just can't admit it to himself.

Oh, and pay no mind to Lechero. He's just a moaning old former crueller in his death throes. He occasionally slouches back on here to bemoan me, the cantankerous poor old fellah. It's a Titans to Gods transition. His time here is done, he just can't admit it to himself.

I want you to know right here and now, that this old "hippy" (nods to joe sixpack) loves all you festering fucking cantankerous cunts. If you were here, hell, I'd go out and buy us a case of beer. Seeya in the funny papizz....

Why, that's no compliment at all, you cantankerous old sphincter. That's just treading water on your monitor screen while you think of other things to say to somehow "cover" your prune-ass while you think up more ways to take swipes. Who did you think you fooled with that garbage? Where did you learn to write (not punctuate, not criticize, but *actually write*)? Texas? Carolina? Balls.

Not bad, not bad at all. Let me be the first of our humble lot to welcome you here, you festering cantankerous cunt. We hope you will enjoy your stay. Now go fuck yourself, Atomonovich. yeeHee!

Hey Zookie, I thought you and I were going to keep peace? Guess not. You did it. Remember that, you festering cantankerous fat, pimple-faced cunt pustule.


Oh, and you might let ol' Stinkycunt know, since she is not talking to me, that she is going to be targeted next for saturation flaming if she doesn't just shut all her malodorous orifices up and stay the fuck out of my affairs. Fnord, too. But her more.

Anyway, if I think hard on that particular moment when I'm on the pot --any pot, anywhere, regardless of what I ate-- I find I'm able to drop a heavy malodorous fudge payload with total abandon.

Tamarocker, you malodorous little pustuled cunt, why don't you shove a Sonicare toothbrush up your ass, only with krazy glue instead of toothpaste, and then let those tiny scrubbing brushes do their job?

By now Rush is starting to really FEEL it. No doubt he's having chills; runny nose, crawly skin, and abdominal pain. Before the hour is up there will be explosive diarrhea episodes that will, over the course of the next few days, leave his anus feeling raw and very sensitive. There will be a decided malodorous fecdal stench throughout his room, and on his clothes, his hair, his nails.

Add a third method to my list of constipation remedies. After reviewing that link, and hearing the music, I was able to evacuate a wonderful, steamy, fecund and malodorous pile of pale green man-mud.

.....and I'd lay bets that, beneath that poor hygiene, the hooked nose, way-yy to much malodorous body hair and poorly trimmed, yellowing nails, you're a sweetheart deep down inside, too, Shy.

Folks: take a good "scratch" on any of George's longer posts, and "sniff" the wafting malodorous scents of the derivative, the trite, and the boring. Oh...oh yes! --And while you're at it, folks, you'll find plenty of grammar and punctuation problems in her own material.

I take a steamy, hot green, alfalf-laces malodorous shit on this thread and walk on.


Yes, but isn't it true that the sources could also be geological and naturally occurring with regards to Denver (not to mention other locations)? Add to that the fact that most nuclear power plants are just better at containment than Mother Nature is. "She's" just not quite as prodigious.

This is all one post:

Thank you. And once again: most nuclear power plants are just better at containment than Mother Nature is. "She's" just not quite as prodigious....

Again, Mother Nature is not nearly as prodigious in large concentrations. Chernobyl comes immediately to mind as containment lost. Apparently they are not living for generations --or are suffering horribly.

I think the concern here is over misreporting of the true chemical makeup and nature of the airborne particulates, spewed forth prodigiously for WEEKS after the attack.

Nope, old feller, you're going to have to wait. When I take that dump, it shall be prodigious. But we're on my time now, babycakes. I've earned it. Your never-ending tirades and haranguings against me have earned me that right. Continue to stew for just a bit longer, please. Oh, and thanks for listening. I find your continued responses to be ..... interesting.

Secondly, it made for some very funny posts, including some old links, a few good one-liners (even by Lechero --and it seemed to inspire him to make a prodigious "dump" of topic posts the like of which I've never seen from him).

---Metaphorically speaking, of course, since I actually DO shit on my country daily and prodigiously, thank God, as do you, Zookie, and as do we all. Fiber helps. Oh, and very soon now we'll all be eating each other's shit ---apparently they're allowing sewage for fertilizer on our farm crops. Something about it in the news the other day.

I think you're dreaming, Vox. I hardly respond to you at all. The most prodigious responses have only been recently, in which I reveal your true paternity, and that I've been fucking the corpse of your dead crack-whore of a mother. This upset you. But what can I say ....son?

I'm sure I'll think of something.
Meanwhile, hope your Chunk Noodle Thanksgiving is......prodigious....

You made a big mistake actually admitting that, Dirtbag. NEVER, EVER do that. What you said is my bread. It is my butter. It is my fine wine. It nourishes me, calms me, makes me burp, fart and shit with contentment. Knowing that I am a thorn in your side, I shall sleep more soundly, awaken refreshed, shit some more, and prodigiously. You've made my week --nay!-- my entire month!

Perhaps if you find it in your hearts, you'll look kindly upon Ol' Horsey ... maybe even smile knowingly to yourselves and shake your heads in that seemingly limitless gentle affection and tolerance that I've come to know you all for. I sometimes buck, it's true, and when I see a snake, yes, I do rear up and thrust out my hooves with my mane flaring in the wind.... And of course, sometimes, when you walk behind me, I take a prodigious dump right in your path with nary a break in my trot.

I shit prodigiously on your words. How fucking dare you call anything James has said (or that I say) "anti-American". Those "cocksucking Arab raghead bastards", and most particularly, the "cocksucking Arab raghead bastard" with his son, had NOTHING, zip, nada to do with 9-11.

And my "gifts" should one chose to imbibe them, are prodigious (not to mention fruitful and multipliable)

You're revising history, Lil. Who's the Republican? I have attacked the Jew from day one, MONTHS ago, and you damned well know it. What's with you, Lilster? Before Roger even returned to her formerly (as Smitty) prodigious posting habits, I was always riding the Jew's ass.

I shun and shit on rules here. Prodigiously.


If you actually read through this whole post, you deserve a Special Treat.

Things that fester

This comes to us from "anonymous reader". Don't miss the photo inclusion at the end. Anyone want to take bets on how many cunts (festering or otherwise) Horse has actually managed to view in his lifetime thus far? I have the over/under at zero.


And the cycle of Horseonovichian birth, eat-shit-fuck, and death will continue on, world without end amen. Believe what you will. Now go in peace, you festering cunt.

Any of you festering cunts who said it was FAKED remember this shit? Well, cunts, me hearties: turns out to be the real thing after all. CNN confirmed last night. .... Yepper, our boys massacred these fuckers. Indeedy-do, double-YeeHee and fuck you, too.

Zook, I guess it's too late for that now, although it was a noble effort to add that line to your Stats. The good news is, just a few more weeks and this will all be over. I figure add in about a week after the leckshun for more args and commentary, then it will simmer down until January, when we will see a brief spike around the time that one or the other of these festering cuntidates takes the oath of office.



Long time no see, dude. How have you been? We've been just fine, thanks, and chugging along at our usual clip. Anyway, always nice to hear from an old friend, even if he is an arrogant, low-IQ, repressed homosexual under the guise of "homophobe", festering cunt and low-life scumbag just like you, buddy! Now kindly recuse yourself from any further precedings on this forum, you piece of garbage, and go fuck yourself while you're at it. Love and Hugs -- Horsey!

Fuck you, Raoul, you festering cunt... I am on YOUR team with this one. How fucking DARE you bring up, for purely gratuitous reasons, my trademark reference to "having a beer". How DARE you compare me to this festering cockfag. Have you no shame, at long last, Raoul? Have you no DECENCY?!

I want you all to know something. I fucking HATE boogra's festering cunt guts. I find him completely fucking erratic, and out of control. But I have to say, for one shining moment of grace here at Cruel, I am with him on this and shall call him brother, oh brother, until next I decide to call him a festering cunt once again.

Actually, I suspect Osama would prefer a Bush win, but says the opposite. He doesn't want to see things calm down, not a bit of that shit. No, he wants the world to be lit only by fire, and cleansed in blood. Add it all up, and you get this: Osama's a festering cunt.

As your obnoxious and overly-opinionated Host, I'd like to welcome you all, and may the best festering cunt of a candidate carry the day! We will be bringing in occasional Cruel pundits to chime in with their observations and anecdotes as this fateful day unfolds. Join me now, as we play......HORSEBALLS

We being attacked by festering cunt repub-hackers, and may I your trusty steed lend a mighty hoof in helping to kick their asses? This is NOT the day for this....

Lord! I apologize for not doing more to help make this country more "blue". I apologize on behalf of my fellow citizens that we're a bunch of festering cunts with an average IQ something lower than a Granny Smith apple. I apologize for our brazen cocksuckeredliness as we try to rule the rest of the world through fear and threats, alienating ourselves from traditional friends. I apologize that we are going to be responsible for the slaughter and mega-taxation (NOT necessarily in that order) of our children and grandchildren, who will inherit our massive debts AS WELL AS the hatred for Americans that we have spawned worldwide.

Think I'll just lay back a few days. Pull an "Achey" or an "Aude" and just watch in silent judgement of these festering cunts.

Try picking something else before I decide to start calling you Quequeeg, you festering barnacle from the asymetrical, unattractively protruding (and inflamed) labia minora of a festering cunt.

Wow, you guys are some kind of fucked up in the head, especially you, Raoul you festering cuntonovich, if you think I could give a fiddler's shit what anyone here thinks about me. Raoul you always seem to come out swinging on the issue of attention-whoredom. Let me tell you something, buddy boy, don't knock it till you try it.

Anyway, peace & love to all you fabulous picked and festering cunts. May Gawd's love rain on you all.

Anyway, I am proud of all of you, friends and foes alike. And as always, in the best tradition of the Holidays, I want to say that I dearly love all you festering cuntankerous cants.


Horse in Repose

Monday, December 13


This wasn't really a submission, but part of an email conversation regarding today's Horsey-ness. I admit Horse, I believed you at first. But like I said, the BS meter was slowly moving up as the day progressed. You are the master bullshitter, Horse, I'll give you that.

I hope the creator of this haiku doesn't mind that I am using it here:

Oh horsonovich
ass matter flows from your lips
crap spew master boy!

This one is from Captain Asshat:

Thread is horse-shit, says
creator; Cruelites again
say "Horse is virgin."

Morning Oats, Cruel, Horseonovich, Meg Kelso, Sean Klitzner, Meg Kelso, Sean Klitzner, Morning Oats, Cruel, Horseonovich, Meg Kelso, Meg Kelso