<% Response.ExpiresAbsolute = Now() - 1 Response.AddHeader "Cache-Control", "must-revalidate" Response.AddHeader "Cache-Control", "no-cache" %> The Morning Oats - A Bitter Cruel Substitute: 06/19/2005 - 06/26/2005

The Morning Oats - A Bitter Cruel Substitute

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Thursday, June 23

The 25 Most Disgusting Things Ever.

1 A 37-year-old Peeping Tom got his jollies by watching gals go to the bathroom, so he finally decided to go for the ultimate experience -- by hiding in the pit under an outhouse where lady fruit-pickers went to do their business ... on him! One sharp-eyed gal spotted his glistening, doody-riddled face and called the cops in Belle Glade, Fla., who proved just how tough they really are -- by fishing the sicko out.

2 Ever wonder who holds the world record for popping other people's zits and lapping up the pus? It's nimble-tongued cutie Sally Dalton, 19, of Auckland, New Zealand. At last count, Dalton had lapped the juice of 1,942 whiteheads and blackheads off the faces of friends, family members and perfect strangers who amazingly agreed to help her reach her goal of 5,000 licked zits before she turns 21.

3 European gourmets who set out to find the world's best "mom-and-pop" restaurants decided that Omar's in Istanbul, Turkey, served up the world's tastiest mushroom soup. They raved about it in the press only to learn later that the delicate "sliced morel" that added "such exquisite flavor" to the dish were chunks of flesh peeled off the arms and legs of lepers who traded their skin for food.

4 Speaking of restaurants, hapless New Yorker Marsha Jenkins headed to the Good Luck You Happy Chinese restaurant just two blocks from her apartment to drown her sorrows after her beloved cat Pussums vanished from the face of the earth. Within minutes, cops raided the place and the heartbroken pet lover learned the awful truth: her missing pussy's head was dangling from a meat hook out back -- and the rest of the critter was on her plate, dressed up as roast duck!

5 Doctors in Los Angeles recoiled in shock and disbelief when they began performing liposuction on 975-pound Martha Keener -- and the machine malfunctioned, spraying warm, bloody lard over the entire surgical team.

Read the rest here.

Baseball is for poofters

I've always found baseball to be incredibly boring. However, if it contained more homosexual ass grabbing, I'd probably be inclined to pay attention every once in awhile. Now, if you throw in Derek Jeter rubbing cocks with Gary Sheffield, I'm not sure if I'd be inclined to watch, or gauge my eyes out with a 10" sharp ice pick. I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass, and not even have the god damned common courtesy to give him a reach around.:

Derek and Gary Cock Rub

Derek and Gary Cock Rub 2

Tuesday, June 21

Michael Schiavo

has the last word(s).

Monday, June 20

Freaky Animals

Six-legged puppy with two penises dumped at temple:

Two-faced kitten shocks owner, veterinarian:

Morning Oats, Cruel, Horseonovich, Meg Kelso, Sean Klitzner, Meg Kelso, Sean Klitzner, Morning Oats, Cruel, Horseonovich, Meg Kelso, Meg Kelso