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The Morning Oats - A Bitter Cruel Substitute

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Tuesday, December 7

My work here is done...

Today I discovered something interesting while searching for material at cruel.com.
See if you can find the common theme. Hint: I've even bolded it for you! I'm starting with a classic quote, to set the tone.

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Topic: Announcement From Horseonovich
Posted by Horseonovich on 2004-01-15; 14:56:36 (message 72015; 1180 reads)

Dear Cruel Friends and Lurkers:

It is with mixed emotions and a profound underlying sense of sadness that I must tell you all: my work here is essentially done. I now take a half-step back away from Cruel, and move on. Certain changes have come about that will not allow me to post or participate with my usual feverish fervor. Those of you that hate my guts will rejoice, and those who find me pleasing, well, shit, you may rejoice, too.

Of course, I am not leaving, just "rightsizing" my presence down to a mere trickle. Neigh, "Once a Crueller, always a Crueller" is my motto. The addiction is too great, as many of you are all too painfully aware. But meatspace duties and other interests call, and I must away!

The transition will be a painful one for old Horse. And I am by no means going to simply vanish. I'll still be around, lurking, and shall even occasionally post. Naturally, I will remain available for consultation during the peaceful transition of power to Fat Wang, my obvious heir to the throne. Also, you can of course expect my occasional riveting and timely commentaries, where I see fit. And not to worry! -- If you are one of those complete fucking assholes who have been fortunate enough to draw out my nurturing equine wrath, expect to still "feel the love" in all its grandiose bombast. After all, who am I to completely shed my duties to fuck with you?

As you are so many, and I am just one, I cannot possibly address each of you individually --but I do care for all of you (yes, even you VV-- and your Mom is in the best of hands). If anyone would like a personal goodbye, simply request it and I will comply. I expect that my transition to mostly lurking will be complete by the end of the weekend, to give you all proper time to adjust, grieve, and speak your piece.

With Love and Squalor,
Horseonovich

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No...THAT one was ok, but would have been better without all the other preamble that finally lead up to it. Had that been your ONE SOLITARY response, it would have been perfect "cruelling" --- I think you are beginning to see now. My work here is done -- Thanks, Dar. Please don't take it too fucking personally, the way I did, when they jumped all over MY shit (tho THAT did lead to some hilarious stuff)

Agreed. In retrospect, and having had a chance to review a lion's share of this growing thread (and with some time since my last postings, to ponder and reflect with Pete's Wicked ale), I NO LONGER think this is Dar. Czarina passes the "Horse's Dar-Detecto Test" and may now move on to the next phase of the initiation process: "really cruel".

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As my work here is done (that is, ensuring her state of non-darness), I defer to the elders of cruel to complete the process.

Sorry, Czar. I had to put you through the paces there ... think of me as the site "ashcroft" --can never be too careful these days.

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Oops! --You mean with the exception of the "political agitator" and the "hype machine" talents, right? Care to revise? I also found the "hack nontalent" comments to be less than objective, but I will give you that one. As to what is up my ass, nothing, besides Aude's head, which I must occasionally extract.

By the way, Wooly, presenting me with a brief accounting of your personal tastes is no refutation of me at all. I share your tastes, as a matter of fact. But I do like your "which can be impressive ... just as many misfires as homeruns" comments. It shows me that you are starting to backpedal a bit on your previous blanket statement ("Spike Lee= political agitator/hack nontalent/hype machine"). My work here is complete, so I will leave some of your pride intact.

I'll just let the "Horse's Bitch" and "considerable empirical information" (really just a dollars & cents accounting) go for now. Leave you some dignity. Glad to see you coming about on this, though. I won't rub it in because it may cause you to regress.

You're a good boy at heart, Wooly.

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Hmm ... I just read this entire thread. What have I learned? Well, I've learned that, even though it is *me* (that's right, pretenders, li'l ol' Horsey) who remains the undisputable king of "Number of CSoTD's Suggested" (Roger, you have not been around much, have you?), still my work here at Cruel is nearly done.

In Roger_That and NY Shylock, truly, I have found apt pupils who are nearly finished with their mentoring. The brazen horseshit in their contributions to this very thread tell me that the time is nearly at hand for them to (please pardon the expression) "take the reins" as Cruel's new leaders. It will be a shared leadership; a coalition, if you will. With my blessings, of course.

That's right, folks, ol' Horsey's fixin' ta ride off onto the prairie yet again. No major topic "announcements" this time. Just tears of pride as my junior spiritual progeny, that of Smitty and Shy, prepare to take control once again. I will be yielding the floor to them soon, friends. I will let you all know when.

Until then, always remember: Horsey loves you all.

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Say, Dirck. I'm waxing nostalgical tonight. Maybe it's time we formalized this "handing over of the reins". This is your board now, you know? I mean, let's face it, raw-vulgarity-over-style-&-grace seems to be en vouge these days ....

Besides, I been thinkin' maybe it's time this ol' pony took that last trot uppy yonder to that big glue factory in the sky. My work here seems nearly done, wouldn't you agree?

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Yes, yes. I would.

8 Comments:

  • In Roger_That and NY Shylock, truly, I have found apt pupils who are nearly finished with their mentoring. The brazen horseshit in their contributions to this very thread tell me that the time is nearly at hand for them to (please pardon the expression) "take the reins" as Cruel's new leaders. It will be a shared leadership; a coalition, if you will. With my blessings, of course. Once upon a time Horse praised New York Jew and groomed him as a successor?!? Who woulda thunk it? Exactly when and why did the worm turn, I wonder? Man, I really hate it when these compilations raise more questions than they answer.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:05 PM  

  • I'm begining to wonder if this is somekind of soap opera gone arwy.

    Next week: Will Horse leave once again? Will Dirckman expose more body parts? ...and just who is the father of HorsiesTaint?

    This and many more questions answered on Cruel.com Next week!

    By Blogger Leatherdruid, at 1:09 PM  

  • Man, I love you fuckin' guys. I really mean that.

    By Blogger Horseonovich, at 1:13 PM  

  • Tomorrow, on As the Horse Turns...

    Horseonovich tells RangerX that he had a fight with New York Jew and didn't back down. Bag of Cocks asks Tigerlily if she has seen New York Jew. She says yes, at the police station, but Bag of Cocks knows she's lying. Leatherdruid tells Dirkman the way to win back Horseonovich is to make peace with Aude so that JamesII can go home. Horseonovich tells Aude he wants to make amends. Leatherdruid gives Dirkman and scsostdc plane tickets to Florida in case Horseonvich doesn't live up to his promise.

    By Blogger Horsie Master, at 2:11 PM  

  • From http://www.cruel.com/discuss/viewMessage.php/138797 :
    Smitty:You're probably right. It's sailing related, Horse. Hence why I said you probably never read it.

    I own an old Soling and am purchasing a pre-owned catamaran for use out on Long Island Sound next summer. You're right, wouldn't know a fucking thing.... From http://www.cruel.com/discuss/viewTopic.php/132946 :
    Up my way, the Hudson River sloops are most beautiful. I had the opportunity to "crew" on one this past summer....Smitty:Gaff rigged sloop? Nice. ... Draws 8 feet...I'm assuming...centerboard down... Ours draws 6 with the board down...nboard in the stern?...You don't carry a diesel in the yawl boat, do ya?...Ours is in the push boat.

    Smitt-onovich, I have no idea what in the hootin', hollerin' FUCK you are talking about. Nor do I have any idea how my "anima" alter-ego, Roger That, managed to dredge up such information from the bilge of my frontal and temporal lobes. But for the moment we shall assume that you actually are a real person so that I can "respond" to "you".

    When I say I "crewed" on the fucking thing, that means I was a glorified tourist taking a ride on the fucking "Clearwater", ok? (I was also on the "Woodie Guthrie" a month or so earlier...nicer people run that boat). We had to do little things to make it feel like we were actually helping, like if the wind blew one way, or we were turning, we had to help move several pieces of wood and stand on another side of the boat, etc. We also had to listen to lectures and shit by nerdy little "sloop" enthusiasts who, had they actually lived in "sloop" times, would have been cast overboard by big, fishy-smelling bruisers, and used as bait for the (now endangered) sturgeon.

    By Blogger FoxieMoxie, at 2:52 PM  

  • I already called him on it Foxie, he fessed up to not knowing shit about boats. I'm not going to tell him the magazine, and he'd never figure it out anyways.

    But that was exactly the post I was referring to, just didn't have the desire to find it. How do you find shit so easy at cruel? I mean, it's not like you can search by date... hmm, I guess you searched "sail" or "sailing". That probably would have yielded the result.

    By Blogger Horsie Master, at 3:12 PM  

  • I remember 'crew' because I would pay to see Horsey crew a ship.

    I sure do laugh a lot.

    Anyhow, if you have another slow day, you can use that little vignette.

    By Blogger FoxieMoxie, at 3:20 PM  

  • I see it now, thanks for the credit.

    By Blogger FoxieMoxie, at 3:23 PM  

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