<% Response.ExpiresAbsolute = Now() - 1 Response.AddHeader "Cache-Control", "must-revalidate" Response.AddHeader "Cache-Control", "no-cache" %> The Morning Oats - A Bitter Cruel Substitute: How to win friends and influence people...

The Morning Oats - A Bitter Cruel Substitute

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Tuesday, August 2

How to win friends and influence people...

Errm, I mean, how to Speak and Argue like Horse:

Horsey tactic number 1: When confronted, attempt to shift the target to another, presumably absent, individual. If subject is indeed there but lurking, backpedal.

Horsey tactic number 2: When the heat lessens, attempt to buddy up with another member in better current standings, hopefully one with thick skin to serve as a human shield.

Horsey tactic number 3: Bore your opponents to tears with excessive verbage. Keeping them slogging through longwinded responses is an excellent way to take out some of the fight.

Horsey tactic number 4: Pretend you like the abuse. Die a little bit inside. Pray they think you genuinely don't mind it, in hopes they'll move on to a more resistant quarry.

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Common Horsey-isms:

Yee Hee! - an exclamation of exuberance, or joy. Sometimes just an exclamation of frustration. Often used as a greeting/salutation.

Hyuck! - like Yee Hee, but a slightly more cocky version. Is synonymous with "in your face", or "you are wrong"

Dancing Pretties - friends I wish were mine

Wax = A growing feeling of something, used in conjunction with an adjective ending in "ical" example: I wax full-of-horsehitical. Often used when one runs out of things far more intelligent to say.

Golden Horsey Love - a supposedly warm, glowing feeling usually accompanied by verbal diarrhea that is often spread in vast amounts when Horsey wax-es something. Comes in 'warm glow' and 'alfalfa laced' varieties.

5 Comments:

  • I hate horse. Horse is a giant cunt. Horse is a loser. Horse has no friends. Horse posts excessively. Horse is disliked by everyone. Oh, FM hates Horse too - because he is a cunt.

    By Anonymous Massive Cock Stench, at 5:29 PM  

  • ITEM 1 - I do not shift targets.

    ITEM 2 - I only "buddy up" with those I deem worthy of Horsey Friendship.

    ITEM 3 - I cannot help it if I feel the need so say many things. Responses are never required, and responders do so at their own risk. Sorry.

    ITEM 4 - Oh but I ***DO*** like the abuse. Oh, I do I do I doIdoIdo!!!!! YeeHee!

    - - - LOVE, always . . .HORSEY

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:49 PM  

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