The Morning Oats - A Bitter Cruel Substitute

2007-02-01T20:03:00.000-05:00

If anyone has been wondering where Cates is, he's met a nice girl and is resettling.

2007-02-01T19:45:00.000-05:00

Come on Rcade! Sofi's getting so bored, she's pulled out her old tapdancing shoes and is re-living her Vegas Showgirl days. Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

Tourne Toi

2007-02-01T19:26:00.000-05:00

I must share the pain.

French people are gay.

Vive la France

Timis is preparing for Cruel's return

2007-02-01T17:52:00.000-05:00

He's so excited!

Cruel is Offline

2007-01-30T09:55:00.000-05:00

It seems Rogers has heard our cries and plans to redo the board. How long will it take?

Only god himself knows...

I"ve cleaned up the Blog here and the TagBoard from the spam. So feel free to use or abuse it.

Cruel is Back

2006-05-17T15:47:00.000-04:00

Cruel is Closed

2006-05-17T10:33:00.000-04:00

When Cruel closes, Morning Oats is always here as your bitter cruel substitute. Not always willingly of course. So it seems, our hiatus has come to an end.

Summary of Events

2006-01-12T12:32:00.000-05:00

Merry Fucking Christmas

2005-12-24T20:06:00.000-05:00

I would just like to Immortalize...

2005-11-22T12:44:00.000-05:00

This lovely post by Question:

Even Horse was more or less chased out of Cruel, by a collective wave of karmic hatred directed at Fishkill, NY. Sure, he pops in now and again, but he mostly spends his time on a board that virtually no one else visits, where he has to read, every time he posts, the following:

"**NEWS FLASH** I am a self loathing loser. I HATE myself, and my putrid fat body. I have no friends. I take out my frustrations on a tag board. I think people like me there, because I am delusional. I have tongued my mother's gaping anus, and savored the ooze."

Yet he returns there daily, posting to anyone that might listen to him for a moment. How sad - how....cruel.

Ps: Captain Sir, your ship is sinking! Remember, the Captain always goes down with his ship!!!

Today on Tagboard...

2005-10-05T14:09:00.000-04:00

Beer Looter Dude

2005-09-22T22:58:00.000-04:00

Don't miss him. The Beer Looter Dude

All in all he's just

2005-09-21T09:28:00.000-04:00

another brick in the wall...

credit goes to Chard for this one...

Looks like Wells has finally made a

2005-09-01T16:26:00.000-04:00

valid reason for the consideration of anal sex. I would have to say, yes, I would rather take it up the ass then be pregnant.

Would you sail with this man?

2005-08-28T23:35:00.000-04:00

IMPOSTER!

2005-08-26T14:09:00.000-04:00

I am the real Horseonovich!!! This pale immitation of the festering, alfalfa laced, cantankerous cunt that I am is nothing but a farce!

Do not be fooled my pretties!

Hyuck.

http://hyuck-hyuck.blogspot.com/

Aaaaaaaaaand they're off!

2005-08-26T10:13:00.000-04:00

For NYHebe

2005-08-25T15:11:00.000-04:00

The terms

2005-08-23T10:33:00.000-04:00

were non negotiable.

Make a deal with the devil...

2005-08-11T16:31:00.000-04:00

I will make one offer, that if fulfilled properly, will reinstate tagboard. Here are the rules:

1) Horse must take a photo of himself with a handwritten apology and expression of his saddness of the loss of tag and date it on a piece of paper that he will include in said image.

2) Said image is to be delivered to Roger_That and the list of people on the circle jerk email.

3) Said image will be posted at MO.

4) IF all terms and conditions are met properly prior to 5pm EST tomorrow (that is August 12th) Tag Board will go back up without further adieu.

*** Any other tag-posters that feel the urge to include a funny photo of themselves and some sort of handwritten note (that is up to you what it says) will only improve the chance of tag coming back. For all of you who are NOT horse, "Fuck You Smitty" and other such insults are fair game for the sign.

Note to Horse: The only reassurance I can give you that I will reinstate tag if these conditions are met, is my good word. I have never banned a soul here at Tag, and I stand behind my deals. I would sign it in blood, but I'm not sure that would come through. You have the freedom to publicly bash me at cruel if I renig on my side of the deal. You meet the above 4 conditions, and tag goes back up as soon as I see the image.

Satan has spoken.

You do the math...

2005-08-11T15:36:00.000-04:00

Public Service Announement:

2005-08-11T12:34:00.000-04:00

No, Horse, no one is going to give you the password.

Oh, and can you please remove me from your email circle-jerk?

Thank you, and good day.

Roger.

Good-Bye

2005-08-11T09:50:00.000-04:00

He lays the needle in the vein
and he asks the music to come inside
between his throat and forearm
the melody travels softly in the bones
He has closed his eyes
a battle rages in his blood
an army marches through his bowel
the intestines become warm slowly
Nothing is for you
nothing was for you
nothing remains for you
forever
He takes the needle from the vein
the melody travels out of the skin
violins burn with shrieking
harps cut the flesh
he has opened his eyes
but he is not awake
Nothing is for you
nothing was for you
nothing remains for you
forever
--------------------

Tag-board is gone for awhile, maybe permanently. However, should cruel fade to black temporarily, you can rest assured you will find it alive and well here in the interim.

For those of you who are in the know, don't forget you can always chat at the 'secret tag'.

Go back to cruel, you cunts.

20 points to whomever can name that tune.

** BTW HORSE, this was not FM's idea, it was mine (RT).

How to win friends and influence people...

2005-08-02T15:22:00.000-04:00

Errm, I mean, how to Speak and Argue like Horse:

Horsey tactic number 1: When confronted, attempt to shift the target to another, presumably absent, individual. If subject is indeed there but lurking, backpedal.

Horsey tactic number 2: When the heat lessens, attempt to buddy up with another member in better current standings, hopefully one with thick skin to serve as a human shield.

Horsey tactic number 3: Bore your opponents to tears with excessive verbage. Keeping them slogging through longwinded responses is an excellent way to take out some of the fight.

Horsey tactic number 4: Pretend you like the abuse. Die a little bit inside. Pray they think you genuinely don't mind it, in hopes they'll move on to a more resistant quarry.

----

Common Horsey-isms:

Yee Hee! - an exclamation of exuberance, or joy. Sometimes just an exclamation of frustration. Often used as a greeting/salutation.

Hyuck! - like Yee Hee, but a slightly more cocky version. Is synonymous with "in your face", or "you are wrong"

Dancing Pretties - friends I wish were mine

Wax = A growing feeling of something, used in conjunction with an adjective ending in "ical" example: I wax full-of-horsehitical. Often used when one runs out of things far more intelligent to say.

Golden Horsey Love - a supposedly warm, glowing feeling usually accompanied by verbal diarrhea that is often spread in vast amounts when Horsey wax-es something. Comes in 'warm glow' and 'alfalfa laced' varieties.

Horsonoloid

2005-08-02T10:54:00.000-04:00

Still Dead

2005-07-29T16:14:00.000-04:00

Horse...you seem so...so...connected!

2005-07-26T11:09:00.000-04:00

This song is for you, Horse:

Ah ah
Something ain't right
I'm gonna get myself
I'm gonna get myself
I'm gonna get myself connected
I ain't gonna go blind
For the light which is reflected
I see thru you
I see thru you
I see thru you
Ya dirty tricks
I see thru you
Ya make me sick
I see thru you
I see thru you
Ah ah
I'm gonna do it again
I'm gonna do it again
I'm gonna do it again
Gotta do right
'Cause something ain't right
Gotta do right
Come on
If you make sure you're connected
But if your mind's neglected
Stumble you might fall
The writing's on the wall
Stumble you might fall
Stumble you might fall

It's almost my birthday...

2005-07-20T12:34:00.000-04:00

so I'm posting this now.

Wanted

2005-07-13T12:16:00.000-04:00

My Work Here is Done

2005-07-07T11:03:00.000-04:00

Forehead Inflating

2005-07-06T12:09:00.000-04:00

Don't miss it. It's just dandy.

Pump it Up

Bonnie Fiddles Ugly Diaper Man

2005-07-05T08:31:00.000-04:00

New Tag Board

2005-07-01T14:42:00.000-04:00

It was not a trick, you fuckheads. I did put a new tagboard up. I've decided not to wait until Tues to do it. Have at the chatting thing while I'm gone, just behave, mmkay?

Tard Class

2005-06-29T14:38:00.000-04:00

Woops!

2005-06-29T13:35:00.000-04:00

Look closely...

And some bonus tomato plant images:

Tomato Cock 1

Tomato Cock 2

To Whore or Not to Whore

2005-06-27T16:20:00.000-04:00

I wrote this spoof ages ago. It made best of Craigslist at one point. I just wanted to immortalize it.

To whore, or not to whore: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to screw
The dicks and cocks of outrageous variation,
Or to remain chaste against a sea of sexual frustration,
And by opposing, lose the boyfriend? To die: to not fuck;
No more; and by a fuck to say we end
The crotch-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to fuck;
To fuck: perchance to whore: ay, there's the [clit]rub;
For in that fuck of randomness what STD's may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal cock,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes skankiness of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of S&M,
The dominator's wrong, the proud woman's whip,
The pangs of despised cheatery, the law's delay,
The insolence of orifice and the burns
That patient VD of the unworthy takes,
When she herself might her sluttiness make
With a bare bottom? who would others bear,
To grunt and sweat under a hairy man,
But that the dread of something just like AIDS,
The undiscover'd country, a gaping hole
No traveller returns, boards tied on ass
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of whoredom
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great spunk and semen
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.--screw me now!
O fair cumdispenser! I am Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.

Chicken Dog Bum

2005-06-27T15:45:00.000-04:00

Ode to my boobies

2005-06-27T11:48:00.000-04:00

O, wonderful boobies
you're so lush and so nice
the way that you sway
is sure to entice

You fill up my tshirts
and bras with aplomb
men cannot look at them
and still remain calm

You're soft like a pillow
yet you're firm when you must
O, wonderful mammaries
such an object of lust

You have a large crevice
actually, one of the best
it is very well suited
for a penis to rest

And nothing looks better
on my two favorite girls
than a long beaded strand
of the whitest of pearls

The 25 Most Disgusting Things Ever.

2005-06-23T11:16:00.000-04:00

1 A 37-year-old Peeping Tom got his jollies by watching gals go to the bathroom, so he finally decided to go for the ultimate experience -- by hiding in the pit under an outhouse where lady fruit-pickers went to do their business ... on him! One sharp-eyed gal spotted his glistening, doody-riddled face and called the cops in Belle Glade, Fla., who proved just how tough they really are -- by fishing the sicko out.

2 Ever wonder who holds the world record for popping other people's zits and lapping up the pus? It's nimble-tongued cutie Sally Dalton, 19, of Auckland, New Zealand. At last count, Dalton had lapped the juice of 1,942 whiteheads and blackheads off the faces of friends, family members and perfect strangers who amazingly agreed to help her reach her goal of 5,000 licked zits before she turns 21.

3 European gourmets who set out to find the world's best "mom-and-pop" restaurants decided that Omar's in Istanbul, Turkey, served up the world's tastiest mushroom soup. They raved about it in the press only to learn later that the delicate "sliced morel" that added "such exquisite flavor" to the dish were chunks of flesh peeled off the arms and legs of lepers who traded their skin for food.

4 Speaking of restaurants, hapless New Yorker Marsha Jenkins headed to the Good Luck You Happy Chinese restaurant just two blocks from her apartment to drown her sorrows after her beloved cat Pussums vanished from the face of the earth. Within minutes, cops raided the place and the heartbroken pet lover learned the awful truth: her missing pussy's head was dangling from a meat hook out back -- and the rest of the critter was on her plate, dressed up as roast duck!

5 Doctors in Los Angeles recoiled in shock and disbelief when they began performing liposuction on 975-pound Martha Keener -- and the machine malfunctioned, spraying warm, bloody lard over the entire surgical team.

Read the rest here.

Baseball is for poofters

2005-06-23T10:58:00.000-04:00

I've always found baseball to be incredibly boring. However, if it contained more homosexual ass grabbing, I'd probably be inclined to pay attention every once in awhile. Now, if you throw in Derek Jeter rubbing cocks with Gary Sheffield, I'm not sure if I'd be inclined to watch, or gauge my eyes out with a 10" sharp ice pick. I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass, and not even have the god damned common courtesy to give him a reach around.:

Derek and Gary Cock Rub

Derek and Gary Cock Rub 2

Michael Schiavo

2005-06-21T14:15:00.000-04:00

has the last word(s).

Freaky Animals

2005-06-20T10:19:00.000-04:00

Six-legged puppy with two penises dumped at temple:

Two-faced kitten shocks owner, veterinarian:

Why I love Baltimore

2005-06-15T12:16:00.000-04:00

AND:

300 pound fat man gets rescued from Liberty Resevoir 3 times, sinks boat.

Some new images...

2005-06-13T13:37:00.000-04:00

Casual Fridays

Fake Turkey

Naked Skydivers

Retired Hooters Girls

Montecore

Smokin' Nun

Lights back on...

2005-06-09T16:00:00.000-04:00

For those of you who haven't already reattached your lips firmly to Roger's puckerstar...this is a public service announcement: Cruel is back up.

Turn on your love light...

Guess the Gams of Cruel.

2005-06-06T13:15:00.000-04:00

** The entries are now revealed. The winner of our contest, was Foxie Moxie with 9 correct guesses. As a prize, she wins a full frontal nude shot of: HERSELF. You all should have tried harder.

Finally, the contest you have all been waiting for. Below, we have 9 entries in the "Guess the Gams of Cruel" contest. Who's Gams? Well, you get to figure it out - just like at cruel, things aren't always as they seem. The prize for the one who gets the most right? I haven't thought about that yet. Oh, wait, I know. An autographed book from Rogers. HEH. (some of you will get that joke!). Please email your guesses directly to me.

** I'm adding a list of 'possible' entrants for you to guess from.

Sissy, RT, FM, Cates, Ahat, Horse, Bonnie, Jew, Feisty, Scotty, ZED(Zombie Elvis), Cherry Vanilla, Phreddy, Dirckman, Gray,

Without further adieu...

Entry #1 Roger_That

Entry #2 Horse

Entry #3 FM

Entry #4 Zombie Elvis

Entry #5 This is a random image from the internets

Entry #6a Scotty

Entry #6b Scotty

Entry #7 Cates

Entry #8 This is a random image from the internets

Entry #9 This is a random image from the internets

Last Minute Entries:

Entry #10 Phreddy

Entry #11 FM

Entry #12 Bonnie

Sean Klitzner Kicks Ass

2005-06-03T12:15:00.000-04:00

What a great website.

http://seanklitzner.kicks-ass.org/

http://seanklitzner.kicks-ass.net

Great Balls of Fire!

2005-06-02T10:38:00.000-04:00

One Ring to Offend them All...

2005-06-02T10:27:00.000-04:00

I know this isn't that funny really, but I just wanted an excuse to use that title.

Dirty Soccer

2005-06-02T09:35:00.000-04:00

Let's see if this bumps the google eyes down a bit. I would post an image, but most are not worksafe anyways. This is for you, Cates.

http://www.enfreaks.com/shownews.php?subaction=showfull&id=1117108249&archive=&start_from=&ucat=2&

Hot Lesbian Pants

2005-05-31T13:02:00.000-04:00

This is Scotty's friend's ass. Please don't forget to cast your vote below:

Blueish Panties

Red Panties

Vote Here:

Lesbian Hot Pants

Results Here:

Results: Lesbian Hot Pants

I'm popeye the sailor man...NSFW

2005-05-25T12:58:00.000-04:00

Pop Eye

O.O!

2005-05-25T12:04:00.000-04:00

Any questions?

Random Images

2005-05-25T11:00:00.000-04:00

Chad Brain

Asian Baby

Flying Vagina (*BGAK!*)

Costumed Freaks

Hot Dogs

Guido Madonna

Tard Coming Atcha

Ouch.

Fatty McFatty Ass

Fat Man Bull Ride

Fatty in Pink

Aww...these are NSFW mostly

2005-05-24T14:02:00.000-04:00

Operation Vacu-Suck

Inflatable Coitus

Click on the links, I want to keep the blog mostly worksafe.

Today, at the Tagboard...

2005-05-24T12:57:00.000-04:00

And one for you homos out there:

No title necessary.

2005-05-23T14:29:00.000-04:00

Cruel is back up

2005-04-25T11:03:00.000-04:00

Fyi.

Also, tag-world (the website that hosts the PHP or CGI script for the tagboard) is apparently late on renewing their hosting or something. Therefore, the tag-board isn't working. Hopefully this will be fixed before next time cruel goes down.

Just to clarify: I DO HAVE VALID CREDIT CARDS, HEBE-BRO!

Edit: Clear Cache and refresh, I've put the Tag-Board up that FM graciously passed along. That one seems to be working now.

Roger's full video clips

2005-04-24T10:16:00.000-04:00

they are here:

http://junk.haughey.com/rogers.wmv

and

http://junk.haughey.com/msnbc-rogers.wmv

Heh

2005-04-22T15:40:00.000-04:00

Thanks, Ranger.

Clips from the Today Show

2005-04-22T14:54:00.000-04:00

Clips

Tag-Board Take 2

2005-04-22T10:01:00.000-04:00

Fuckity fuck. I'm using tag-world.com now. I paid for 2 months of an upgraded account. It's running 10 times faster, and has autorefresh and lots of other features.

REFRESH, CLEAR CACHE, RINSE REPEAT.

London Bridge is falling down...

2005-04-21T11:52:00.000-04:00

falling down...fallling down....

London Bridge is falling down, My Fair Lady:

Ahh...benedictXVI.com redirect??

2005-04-21T09:00:00.000-04:00

Anyone wonder if Rogers redirected his new popedomain to our message board, or just to cruel.com?? I'm thinking he did. Along with all traffic that is probably due to the stories of him becoming some sort of popesquatter...we get this message:

4/21/05: The message board is temporarily offline because of high traffic. Check again tomorrow.

So, feel free to comment here.

Edit: I've added a new tagboard. It doesn't autorefresh, so you'll just have to refresh yourself, or type something and hit return. Whatever.

The Music of Terri

2005-04-08T13:27:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to properly immortalize this compilation:

Terri, do you want some sausage???

2005-03-29T15:34:00.000-05:00

Isn't It Ironic?

2005-03-29T15:15:00.000-05:00

Dontchathink?

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20050329/ap_on_re_eu/pope_27

Report: Pope May Return to Italy Hospital
52 minutes ago Europe - AP

VATICAN CITY - Pope John Paul II may have to return to the hospital to have a feeding tube inserted, an Italian news agency reported Tuesday. It stressed that no decision had been ma

Rogers, you missed the funny!

2005-03-29T13:01:00.000-05:00

I don't know what it is. Maybe Rogers hasn't seen the Durrr Blog. Or maybe he missed the Easter Video. However, I think the Durrr Blog is MUCH FUNNIER than the live journal that made CSTOD!

The best part about Terri's Live Journal is this avatar:

Seems Michael Schiavo is jumping on the journaling bandwagon:

http://dieterri.blogspot.com/

You can hear Terri do a duet with Ray Charles here:

http://216.182.24.122/terri_n_ray.mp3

The Terri Collection

2005-03-29T10:21:00.000-05:00

This is a compendium of my favorite Terri related sites and jokes.

First, I want to include a poem I wrote dedicated to Terri - sung to the tune of American Pie:

Bye, bye Ms VegeTERRIan pie
They yanked out your feeding tube and soon you'll be dry
And the good ol' boys are fighting hard for your life
Singing this could be the day that you die
This could be the day that you die...

Did you write the book of tards
And do you have faith in brains of lard
If the Bible tells you so
Do you believe in the right to die
To slowly pass in the blink of an eye
Or to let the supreme court supply
a reason yet to keep you here, alliiiivee
Well I know they say you're PSV
But I saw you smiling back at me
You said no words to me
But that's okay you see
I was lonely and horny, a tad
With a fetish for veggie salad
but I knew that I was out of luck
Cause Veggies cannot fuck!

I started singin'

Bye, bye Ms VegeTERRIan pie
They yanked out your feeding tube and now you are dry
And the good ol' boys are fighting hard for your life
Singing this could be the day that you die
This could be the day that you die...

-----------

Now, some links....

Terri has a blog!

http://durrrrr.blogspot.com

Terri's Easter Video:

http://www.pro-state-skate.com/terrieaster.html

Some Terri Backgrounds for your PC:

http://terryinhere.ytmnd.com

Get a Terri Tshirt:

http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=464

Great Terri Cartoon:

http://www.mnftiu.cc/mnftiu.cc/war45.html

A Terri Image:

And, Finally, some Terri Jokes!

What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a cell phone?
When the cell phone is dead you can plug it in again.

What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a Chia Pet?
Nobody gets upset if you stop watering the Chia Pet.

What's Terri's favorite cereal?
Life with no milk. Just dry.

What do Terri Schiavo and Pam Anderson have in common?
98% of the time they are both lying down with their mouths open.

How does Terri Schiavo use the bathroom?
Depends.

Why isn't Terry Schaivo watching all of her recent news coverage?
Her tube has been unplugged.

What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and Ted Williams?
Ted Williams is in the frozen section.

What do you call Terri in a pool?
Vegetable Soup.

Well, get comfy, let me put out some chairs...

2005-03-29T09:23:00.000-05:00

I think we may be here awhile. Looks like Rogers website is suffering from the ever popular "Tsunami Effect" thanks to a recent CSOTD entry that links back to a post he made on the message board.

I liked Ops' suggestion last night to redirect the entry to Cates' Troll/Faq.

I hope Rogers fixes it soon. I have no work to do this week.

For now, feel free to make comments here. As always, The Morning Oats is hot and toasty when you need it most...

Oh, Rogers, why hast thou forsaken us???

2005-02-26T11:03:00.001-05:00

Today is the 26th of February. Alas, no message board.

*sigh*

This is so...Disturbing!

2005-02-25T13:06:00.000-05:00

From Web Wasteland...

Pregnant woman gives birth in a kid's rubber play pool on the kitchen floor. Why is it necessary to show (in 100 photos no less) themselves in a private moment giving birth ON THE INTERNET?

Disturbing.

You've GOT to see these photos.

http://www.nandu.hu/English/Childbirth/Csenge100/csbirth01.htm

SuperSize your Sack

2005-02-25T11:37:00.000-05:00

Heh. NSFW.

http://tigerpumping.com/galleries/ballpumpers/saline_men.htm

Rogers Speaks to the masses...

2005-02-25T10:28:00.000-05:00

What the...!!!

2005-02-25T09:54:00.000-05:00

NSFW. Not safe for anything, really. But you HAVE to see this:

http://www.boobdex.com/vismis/themed/muscles.html

Holy Shit!

2005-02-24T14:59:00.000-05:00

This guy takes "collections" to a new extreme.

There are no words. I think I like the keychain collection the best...

http://www.tonystrading.co.uk/my-collections.htm

Can anyone say OCD?

You too, can express your frustration to Rogers!

2005-02-24T12:42:00.000-05:00

Here ya go. A link to Roger's contact page. Make sure you put something snazzy in the subject line!

Drop him a line, I already did. Tell him you are going to kill yourself if the message board doesn't come back soon...or whatever.

Email Rogers!!!

Plea to Rogers

2005-02-23T21:08:00.000-05:00

Rogers, we really want Cruel back! It is sad that I have had to revive the Horse Blog just to have a place to post my frequently asshatted links!

I'm reduced to doing work, and reading Craigslist all day long. I honestly cannot take too much more of this. I'm most surely in hell.

Please, as fnord has said, we've suffered too much!

-----------

Post your pleas to Rogers in the comment section, and I'll send him the link. Maybe he'll even read it. HA.

Two heads are better than one...

2005-02-23T13:34:00.000-05:00

and...

Mermaid!

Yes, I know these are relatively 'old news', but still...

Some Links

2005-02-23T11:35:00.000-05:00

I see you people on here, my meter shows you all logged on. SO COMMENT, dammit! I'm bored, and refuse to continue to do work for the second week in a row. Here are some links [that you've probably already seen] for your browsing enjoyment.

CONTRIBUTE FOOLS!

Some early morning racism mixed in with a little psychotica:

http://niggermania.com/

A new way to remember your dead loved one:

http://www.goldthumbprints.com/

A timewaster for the PC Gaming Nerds:

http://ses.blog.hu/game/prog/index.pl

Poopy Humor and other Foul Stories:

http://www.bongnet.demon.co.uk/soiled/oddtod/index.htm

Lazy Town. Watch the video:

http://www.lazytown.com/

Cruel is Died

2005-02-23T11:15:00.000-05:00

What is a poor, antisocial Horsey to do with himself, when his favorite Rodeo Arena is out of business for remodeling and repairs?

Ptah has been kind enough to set up a temporary board at Yahoo, if anyone is interested in using it.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/cruelites/

Maybe enough people don't know it's there, who knows.

I'll try to post some links here, but you can only asshat me in the comments section, I guess. Better than nothing, eh?

Waxing Galactical

2005-02-14T15:44:00.000-05:00

Who's Who at Cruel

2005-02-11T13:21:00.000-05:00

soon to come...

Just Passing Through...

2004-12-29T13:43:00.000-05:00

I've been gone, now I'm back, and I'll be gone again for awhile.

In the interim, I thought I'd share some recent search strings that people have used to end up here at the Morning Oats. Enjoy:

morning+oats+opsec
raghead bastards
PencilDick
horseonovich morning oats
horseonovich that stupid fucker
horseonovich
Montonovich
horseonovich
"Mr. Ed" Cunt cock horse
Horseonovich
shitballs
morning oats horsonovich
horseonovich
horsey
horseonovich
Horseonovich
"the morning oats"
"morning oats" horsey
"foxie moxie" horse

Twas the Night Before Christmas

2004-12-26T13:35:00.000-05:00

Twas the night before Christmas and all throughout Cruel
Not a creature was stirring, not a noob, not a fool
The links had been posted, the insults been hurled
Their computers' shut down, in their beds were they curled

They dreamed of dream horses and tigers and grays
Some had nightmares of dirckman, one had wet dreams of hay
So I in my asshat sat drinking my rum
With thoughts of cruel posters long past and to come

When out of the corner of my tired rheumy eye
A few tiny pixels from my tube did I spy
I rushed to my chair and I clicked on my mouse
I entered some text and sent "Ops in da house"

For over on Gifthorse the Fox had been busy
had been driving poor horse with unknowns to a tizzy
And suspicions did rise as they will and they spread
And soon all the cruel posters had chimed in and they said

"You're Meta, you're Smitty, you're Zoo, no you're Gray"
"You're Poopkorn, no Aude, no you're Dar", shouted they
At this paranoid site I just grinned and I chuckled
Ah the meltdowns, the drama, the sanity buckled

"Not Meta, nor smitty, nor any of those"
Quoth the jolly FM, observing their throes
Then quick as an elf, and a gay one at that
(I mean gay in the old sense, not gay in like *that*)

The Foxie she vanished away from all sight
The tagboard went quiet, as silent as night
But the last thing I heard before closing my eyes
Was the sound of a voice saying to my surprise

"Merry Christmas to All" it shouted to them
"and A Happy New Year, Joyfulgirl is FM!"

-

There's your Gift, Horse!

Editor's note: I think Foxie can easily say, "My work here is Done".

Happy Holidays

2004-12-22T14:29:00.000-05:00

A submission from La Monte

2004-12-22T14:11:00.000-05:00

Hey Horsey!

I got something for you here......it's the packaging design for Horsey Brand vaginal lubricant. I think this thing is gonna sell like hotcakes, man!

~LaMonte

Horsey Lube

The Horse is out of the Gate!

2004-12-17T10:37:00.000-05:00

The domain name http://www.horseonovich.com is available. Go to http://www.godaddy.com to register it (or anywhere else) if that is your desire. If you are truly bored, you can register the .net and .org extensions too.

Like Zoo said, not sure who would actually want to have this URL...

Of course, it is just one of many infinite ways to toy with the Horse.

Please, if you register it, let us know that you did, and who you are. A cruel ID will be good enough, if you are a regular poster.

I fear it won't be available for long. Remember...if you get to it before Horse does, you might get some money out of him for it.

Horse's new quest

2004-12-16T13:56:00.000-05:00

Some people think Horse is our newest troll (who shall remain unnamed here, since this is a Blog About Horse(tm)!!!). However, that may not be true. Either way, it should be interesting to watch Horse engage in battle with him/her/it.

I say, grab yer guns and Giddyup!

Raid Over Bungholing Bay

I appreciate the submission, G.

No New Updates

2004-12-16T10:27:00.001-05:00

I see you all out there. Reading. Daily. Over 100 of you. And that's not even counting the 50 or so visitors a day that are the Great Horse Himself!

But if you want any new material to read here, you people are going to have to submit stuff. Anything. Photos, poems, thoughts...quotes... Your call. I feel it is my journalistic duty to supply my readers with *something* Horse related a few times a week. Mail to: horsie_master at yahoo. com.

-- Newsflash -- We here at The Morning Oats are proud to announce that we are the #1 search return at google, when searching for 'horseonovich'. Simple pleasures my friends, simple pleasures.

Until then...A photo

** Special note to Zoo -

That is an interesting idea, however I'd rather not spend my own $9 on it. You feel free to, my friend.

Cantankerous, malodorous, prodigous...These are a few of my favorite things

2004-12-14T11:57:00.000-05:00

Anyone ever get the feeling Horse likes words that end in "ous"?? It also seems these words can be easily interchanged as adjectives describing his steaming shitpiles of poo (or posts, you decide). I would also like to note that "The Morning Oats" now holds the #3 spot in search results on google.com. What is most disturbing is that this site is being beat out by one named "horseonovich.isgay.com". Nice. Thanks to all the loyal readers and submitters. Without you, this blog would just be a festering, cantankerous, malodorous, steaming pile of horse shit. Oh, wait... This is a long one, folks. I would just like to state for the record that the submitter, or, "he/she that shall not be named" obviously has no life to have taken the time this morning to compile this.

-------------

Oh, and pay no mind to Lechero. He's just a moaning old former crueller in his death throes. He occasionally slouches back on here to bemoan me, the cantankerous poor old fellah. It's a Titans to Gods transition. His time here is done, he just can't admit it to himself.

Oh, and pay no mind to Lechero. He's just a moaning old former crueller in his death throes. He occasionally slouches back on here to bemoan me, the cantankerous poor old fellah. It's a Titans to Gods transition. His time here is done, he just can't admit it to himself.

I want you to know right here and now, that this old "hippy" (nods to joe sixpack) loves all you festering fucking cantankerous cunts. If you were here, hell, I'd go out and buy us a case of beer. Seeya in the funny papizz....

Why, that's no compliment at all, you cantankerous old sphincter. That's just treading water on your monitor screen while you think of other things to say to somehow "cover" your prune-ass while you think up more ways to take swipes. Who did you think you fooled with that garbage? Where did you learn to write (not punctuate, not criticize, but *actually write*)? Texas? Carolina? Balls.

Not bad, not bad at all. Let me be the first of our humble lot to welcome you here, you festering cantankerous cunt. We hope you will enjoy your stay. Now go fuck yourself, Atomonovich. yeeHee!

Hey Zookie, I thought you and I were going to keep peace? Guess not. You did it. Remember that, you festering cantankerous fat, pimple-faced cunt pustule.

--------

Oh, and you might let ol' Stinkycunt know, since she is not talking to me, that she is going to be targeted next for saturation flaming if she doesn't just shut all her malodorous orifices up and stay the fuck out of my affairs. Fnord, too. But her more.

Anyway, if I think hard on that particular moment when I'm on the pot --any pot, anywhere, regardless of what I ate-- I find I'm able to drop a heavy malodorous fudge payload with total abandon.

Tamarocker, you malodorous little pustuled cunt, why don't you shove a Sonicare toothbrush up your ass, only with krazy glue instead of toothpaste, and then let those tiny scrubbing brushes do their job?

By now Rush is starting to really FEEL it. No doubt he's having chills; runny nose, crawly skin, and abdominal pain. Before the hour is up there will be explosive diarrhea episodes that will, over the course of the next few days, leave his anus feeling raw and very sensitive. There will be a decided malodorous fecdal stench throughout his room, and on his clothes, his hair, his nails.

Add a third method to my list of constipation remedies. After reviewing that link, and hearing the music, I was able to evacuate a wonderful, steamy, fecund and malodorous pile of pale green man-mud.

.....and I'd lay bets that, beneath that poor hygiene, the hooked nose, way-yy to much malodorous body hair and poorly trimmed, yellowing nails, you're a sweetheart deep down inside, too, Shy.

Folks: take a good "scratch" on any of George's longer posts, and "sniff" the wafting malodorous scents of the derivative, the trite, and the boring. Oh...oh yes! --And while you're at it, folks, you'll find plenty of grammar and punctuation problems in her own material.

I take a steamy, hot green, alfalf-laces malodorous shit on this thread and walk on.

--------

Yes, but isn't it true that the sources could also be geological and naturally occurring with regards to Denver (not to mention other locations)? Add to that the fact that most nuclear power plants are just better at containment than Mother Nature is. "She's" just not quite as prodigious.

This is all one post:

Thank you. And once again: most nuclear power plants are just better at containment than Mother Nature is. "She's" just not quite as prodigious....

Again, Mother Nature is not nearly as prodigious in large concentrations. Chernobyl comes immediately to mind as containment lost. Apparently they are not living for generations --or are suffering horribly.

I think the concern here is over misreporting of the true chemical makeup and nature of the airborne particulates, spewed forth prodigiously for WEEKS after the attack.

Nope, old feller, you're going to have to wait. When I take that dump, it shall be prodigious. But we're on my time now, babycakes. I've earned it. Your never-ending tirades and haranguings against me have earned me that right. Continue to stew for just a bit longer, please. Oh, and thanks for listening. I find your continued responses to be ..... interesting.

Secondly, it made for some very funny posts, including some old links, a few good one-liners (even by Lechero --and it seemed to inspire him to make a prodigious "dump" of topic posts the like of which I've never seen from him).

---Metaphorically speaking, of course, since I actually DO shit on my country daily and prodigiously, thank God, as do you, Zookie, and as do we all. Fiber helps. Oh, and very soon now we'll all be eating each other's shit ---apparently they're allowing sewage for fertilizer on our farm crops. Something about it in the news the other day.

I think you're dreaming, Vox. I hardly respond to you at all. The most prodigious responses have only been recently, in which I reveal your true paternity, and that I've been fucking the corpse of your dead crack-whore of a mother. This upset you. But what can I say ....son?

I'm sure I'll think of something.
Meanwhile, hope your Chunk Noodle Thanksgiving is......prodigious....

You made a big mistake actually admitting that, Dirtbag. NEVER, EVER do that. What you said is my bread. It is my butter. It is my fine wine. It nourishes me, calms me, makes me burp, fart and shit with contentment. Knowing that I am a thorn in your side, I shall sleep more soundly, awaken refreshed, shit some more, and prodigiously. You've made my week --nay!-- my entire month!

Perhaps if you find it in your hearts, you'll look kindly upon Ol' Horsey ... maybe even smile knowingly to yourselves and shake your heads in that seemingly limitless gentle affection and tolerance that I've come to know you all for. I sometimes buck, it's true, and when I see a snake, yes, I do rear up and thrust out my hooves with my mane flaring in the wind.... And of course, sometimes, when you walk behind me, I take a prodigious dump right in your path with nary a break in my trot.

boogra:
I shit prodigiously on your words. How fucking dare you call anything James has said (or that I say) "anti-American". Those "cocksucking Arab raghead bastards", and most particularly, the "cocksucking Arab raghead bastard" with his son, had NOTHING, zip, nada to do with 9-11.

And my "gifts" should one chose to imbibe them, are prodigious (not to mention fruitful and multipliable)

You're revising history, Lil. Who's the Republican? I have attacked the Jew from day one, MONTHS ago, and you damned well know it. What's with you, Lilster? Before Roger even returned to her formerly (as Smitty) prodigious posting habits, I was always riding the Jew's ass.

I shun and shit on rules here. Prodigiously.

-------------------

If you actually read through this whole post, you deserve a Special Treat.

Things that fester

2004-12-14T11:13:00.000-05:00

This comes to us from "anonymous reader". Don't miss the photo inclusion at the end. Anyone want to take bets on how many cunts (festering or otherwise) Horse has actually managed to view in his lifetime thus far? I have the over/under at zero.

-----------

And the cycle of Horseonovichian birth, eat-shit-fuck, and death will continue on, world without end amen. Believe what you will. Now go in peace, you festering cunt.

Any of you festering cunts who said it was FAKED remember this shit? Well, cunts, me hearties: turns out to be the real thing after all. CNN confirmed last night. .... Yepper, our boys massacred these fuckers. Indeedy-do, double-YeeHee and fuck you, too.

Zook, I guess it's too late for that now, although it was a noble effort to add that line to your Stats. The good news is, just a few more weeks and this will all be over. I figure add in about a week after the leckshun for more args and commentary, then it will simmer down until January, when we will see a brief spike around the time that one or the other of these festering cuntidates takes the oath of office.

Pat?

Wow!

Long time no see, dude. How have you been? We've been just fine, thanks, and chugging along at our usual clip. Anyway, always nice to hear from an old friend, even if he is an arrogant, low-IQ, repressed homosexual under the guise of "homophobe", festering cunt and low-life scumbag just like you, buddy! Now kindly recuse yourself from any further precedings on this forum, you piece of garbage, and go fuck yourself while you're at it. Love and Hugs -- Horsey!

Fuck you, Raoul, you festering cunt... I am on YOUR team with this one. How fucking DARE you bring up, for purely gratuitous reasons, my trademark reference to "having a beer". How DARE you compare me to this festering cockfag. Have you no shame, at long last, Raoul? Have you no DECENCY?!

I want you all to know something. I fucking HATE boogra's festering cunt guts. I find him completely fucking erratic, and out of control. But I have to say, for one shining moment of grace here at Cruel, I am with him on this and shall call him brother, oh brother, until next I decide to call him a festering cunt once again.

Actually, I suspect Osama would prefer a Bush win, but says the opposite. He doesn't want to see things calm down, not a bit of that shit. No, he wants the world to be lit only by fire, and cleansed in blood. Add it all up, and you get this: Osama's a festering cunt.

As your obnoxious and overly-opinionated Host, I'd like to welcome you all, and may the best festering cunt of a candidate carry the day! We will be bringing in occasional Cruel pundits to chime in with their observations and anecdotes as this fateful day unfolds. Join me now, as we play......HORSEBALLS

We being attacked by festering cunt repub-hackers, and may I your trusty steed lend a mighty hoof in helping to kick their asses? This is NOT the day for this....

Lord! I apologize for not doing more to help make this country more "blue". I apologize on behalf of my fellow citizens that we're a bunch of festering cunts with an average IQ something lower than a Granny Smith apple. I apologize for our brazen cocksuckeredliness as we try to rule the rest of the world through fear and threats, alienating ourselves from traditional friends. I apologize that we are going to be responsible for the slaughter and mega-taxation (NOT necessarily in that order) of our children and grandchildren, who will inherit our massive debts AS WELL AS the hatred for Americans that we have spawned worldwide.

Think I'll just lay back a few days. Pull an "Achey" or an "Aude" and just watch in silent judgement of these festering cunts.

Try picking something else before I decide to start calling you Quequeeg, you festering barnacle from the asymetrical, unattractively protruding (and inflamed) labia minora of a festering cunt.

Wow, you guys are some kind of fucked up in the head, especially you, Raoul you festering cuntonovich, if you think I could give a fiddler's shit what anyone here thinks about me. Raoul you always seem to come out swinging on the issue of attention-whoredom. Let me tell you something, buddy boy, don't knock it till you try it.

Anyway, peace & love to all you fabulous picked and festering cunts. May Gawd's love rain on you all.

Anyway, I am proud of all of you, friends and foes alike. And as always, in the best tradition of the Holidays, I want to say that I dearly love all you festering cuntankerous cants.

----------------

Horse in Repose

Haiku

2004-12-13T16:42:00.000-05:00

This wasn't really a submission, but part of an email conversation regarding today's Horsey-ness. I admit Horse, I believed you at first. But like I said, the BS meter was slowly moving up as the day progressed. You are the master bullshitter, Horse, I'll give you that.

I hope the creator of this haiku doesn't mind that I am using it here:

Oh horsonovich
ass matter flows from your lips
crap spew master boy!

This one is from Captain Asshat:

Thread is horse-shit, says
creator; Cruelites again
say "Horse is virgin."

A Guest Contribution

2004-12-09T10:26:00.000-05:00

This comes to us via Horsey-mail from LaMonte. LaMonte, I hope you don't mind me posting your email, I'm assuming the story was to go with the photo. At any rate, I'm not quite sure what to say to this. I'll let our viewers decide:

Hiya Horsie!

LaMonte here. I have something kinda cute for ya - it's a picture that my daughter, Jade, made up in Photoshop (attached). Cute story to go along with it too.

So I had Jade (8) visiting with me this past weekend. I'm on a bit of a tight budget here, so I always have to come up with activities that don't cost much.

We were at a loss for something to do on Saturday afternoon, when a cool idea popped into my head. I said to her: "Hey sweetie - go and draw a really good picture of me with Horseonovich.....and I'll download the new PowerPuff Grrls movie off of Kazaa for you later."

About 90 minutes later, she showed me this picture. I told her that it was a very nice picture: she captured Daddy's poor posture and unkempt hair. Lit cigarette was a nice touch.

There were a few details that I didn't care for, so I said: "But honey......ummm......why did you draw the two of us holding hands? Men don't hold hands, dear."

Jade retorted: "Well, Uncle Ryan and Uncle Brad hold hands all the time."

"Yeah, we had a talk about that before, honey. Those guys are homos. And they're not even related to you - they're just your mother's idiot friends. Okay? Alright.....let's forget about that for moment. Ummmm......where is Horseonovich's neck? Where are his feet?"

The tears started welling up in her little eyes. She tried to say something but she was too choked up. This little emotional performance really, really pissed me off because I could clearly see her mother's influence at work. (Stacy had a habit of bursting into tears whenever she encountered even mild criticism from anybody. Oh, but get this - she would piss/bitch/moan about every little thing. If she couldn't find a reason to bitch, she would invent one. But then that's just one of life's peculiar ironies: people who are hypercritical are also hypersensitive to criticism.)

Jade was in full bawling-baby mode. She was so loud that even the asshole next door who routinely plays his hip-hop tunes at 7000 decibels was pounding on the walls. With her mouth wide open and eyes shut tightly, I popped a few Ritalyn down her throat. That solved the problem very quickly. I don't remember what happened after that.

And now that the worst is behind us, we can all laugh about it.

-----------

Here is the attachment:

The Drawing

Let's All Bask in the Golden Glow of Horsey Love

2004-12-08T16:25:00.000-05:00

It seems our trusty steed is absent. Is he really a stallion? Or just a mythical pegasus??? One never knows...but until his return, we shall have to bask in the warm glow of Horsey Love from afar:

Jew, my excellent good friend, you needn't have bothered. I don't really pay a lot of attention to you anyway, and you're really just kind of a minor annoyance. So chill out man, the Horsey Love is still there, man.

Hetero, you are using up your ration of Horsey Love quickly with lines like that. All you had to do was omit the "due to Reagans policies" portion of that sentence and you'd have remained bathed in my golden --er-- light.

'Rec, I can no longer champion or defend you or your presence here to the others. That position is, for me, no longer defensible. I have taken heat for it from some of the others already, and defended you in the past. I was wrong, and I concede this. Thus, with sadness, I must now say that you may no longer bask in the golden glow of Horsey Love.

Rectus you are not a bad sort, for a festering fucking cunt. You took my post from the other day like a trooper, and for that alone, you may once again bask in the warm, golden glow of Horsey love.

Even the "Bill O'novich's" of the world can bask in the warm, golden glow of Horsey Love here at Cruel.

Jew Cocks, a/k/a "Shy" went the way of "Darwinism" weeks ago. He had his breakdown. Through the careful application of Warm Horsey Love, over time, Jew finally went off the deep end.

Ah, suddenly the high-minded wit of the Decadence I've come to know and love has returned. Medicine-time, or have you just come back to your senses, and are you ready to receive the warm and golden embrace of Warm Horsey Love once again?

By golly gum! I am *liking* this fellow. 6655-onovich, welcome to the warm golden embrace of Horsey Love.

Until then, always remember: Horsey loves you all.

-------

Special thanks to Scotty for his subject matter contribution. Here's an award for you, Horsey-Style:

Golden Horse

More Fun with Photos

2004-12-08T13:59:00.000-05:00

Photo credits go out to NYJewbagel for the background image, Horse for the wonderful image of his afroman days, and to Dirck, who always seems happy to supply a photo of his body parts.

Yee Hee Hee and a Bottle of Rum

2004-12-08T09:46:00.000-05:00

Today, we use the cruel message search to find interesting Horse Nuggets surrounding his favorite form of exclamation, the "Yee Hee". Since Yee Hee usually is it's own sentence, in horsespeak, I have chosen to include the sentence directly before the Yee Hee, in order to make it more interesting:

----------

And with that I will now say fare the fucking well. Yee Hee!

The rest of you can decide for yourselves. yee hee.

well, gotta think of the young'uns, don't we? Yee Hee

blow it out your ass. bitch. Yee Hee!

Drudge is currently showcasing Moore at top of page, but will probably be snuffed soon, and relegated to the lower left corner, if at all....._ YEE HEE!

I can't help but wonder if this little filly wouldn't mind assmilitaing some horse cock into her mouth.... Yee Hee!

Go in peace. Yee Hee!

(Heh, but then again, this could all be just more subterfuge on my part, right? ---One never knows with ol' Horsey, hey? Yee Hee! )

Let's see what else is going on here tonight . .. . . . Yee Hee!

What's more, I do a fabulous, guttural "Yee Hee" .... nothing like you've imagined, I'm sure.

I think I've found the source of the Yee Hee:

Yee Hee Hee

Yee Hee!

Wordsearch with Horsey

2004-12-07T15:46:00.000-05:00

I think this new idea of searching on "Horsey Themes" is rather fun. There are key phrases that Horse uses, verbal fingerprints if you will...that make using the cruel search feature easy. The "My Work Here is Done" entry is a prime example. I have since plugged in tasty word nuggets like "Stay Tuned" and I am proud to share these shining results with you all, my dear readers:

---------------------------

Topic: Jessica OOPS!-no BUTTS
Posted by horseonovich on 2003-11-07; 13:02:37

I will be curious to see what truths turn up, Scottso. Stay tuned.

----------------------

Topic: Which came first.....
Posted by Horseonovich on 2003-12-01; 14:41:47

Scsotdc,

Certainly and absolutely the same person: hersexCHoney, Shes20 Vitual_Zone, Wordsgarden ....

PROBABLY ALSO the same:LONGSHOTS, BUT LIKELY: CyberTurd.

ON THE CRUEL.COM SIDE, this person who assumes all the above-mentioned identities is a.k.a.

"name1" and "debbie" alternately ---this is an absolute known. Make no mistakes.

I have been doing some other research as well, and may be able to shed some blockbuster info on

who the "Cruel" Exit2Right really is, too. No flipping, stay tuned for more....

------------

Topic: The bitter aftertaste of college
Posted by horseonovich on 2003-12-10; 19:05:56

Oops! Duplicate Post. Stay Tuned for SHOCKING CONCLUSION:

-------------

Topic: Something About Shoving Dick Up Ass
Posted by Horseonovich on 2004-02-19; 12:26:50

Another ostrich buries its head, and with it its tiny brain.

I gotta say, someone could write a textbook on the developmental psychology of Cruellers. This is classic Cruel "adolescence". Now he begins to lash out at everyone. Wait, stay tuned,

there's lots more where this came from, folks!

Yip! Yip! YeeHee!

----------------

Topic: US soldier Pencildick --NOT!
Posted by Horseonovich on 2004-02-20; 13:33:04

Not since Darwinism have I so throughly enjoyed smacking someone around like this. Thanks,

buddy! Oh, and there's lots more to come,so stay tuned!

---------------

Topic: US soldier Pencildick --NOT!
Posted by Horseonovich on 2004-02-20; 13:53:57

Lechero - I am currently in negotiations with one of our esteemed Cruel members whose name, for now, shall be witheld, about hosting a couple of my pics -- several from the military. They're old, so I don't mind. Stay tuned.

-----------------

Topic: But I'm sure SCOTTY.
Posted by Horseonovich on 2004-03-25; 13:43:45

Well, stay tuned for Horsey's next topic, coming up after these words from our sponsor....

----------------

Topic: HORSEBALLS: JUDGEMENT DAY
Posted by Horseonovich on 2004-11-02; 13:10:30

...Stay tuned for MORE up-to-the-minute coverage, folks. We'll be right back ..............

------------------

Topic: HORSEBALLS Complete Up2-Minute Coverage
Posted by Horseonovich on 2004-11-02; 13:29:52

Correction, OPSEC. HORSEBALLS is your up to the minute LIVE coverage, running all day and all night. Stay tuned for further updates AS THEY HAPPEN !

Replies are unnecessary. My readership is implicit. Thanks for the love, though.

---------------------

Stay tuned, indeed.

Some people just aren't good liars...

2004-12-07T15:13:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Foxie Moxie for finding this particular post that I was referring to. Maybe Horsie would like to elaborate on why he is so interested in what magazine I write for?

Looks like Horsey got his hooves tangled in Charlotte's web:

http://www.cruel.com/discuss/viewMessage.php/138797

Smitty/Roger :You're probably right. It's sailing related, Horse. Hence why I said you probably never read it.

Horse: I own an old Soling and am purchasing a pre-owned catamaran for use out on Long Island Sound next summer. You're right, wouldn't know a fucking thing....

editor's note: Anyone who sails knows that Catamaran's are not sailboats!

http://www.cruel.com/discuss/viewTopic.php/132946

Up my way, the Hudson River sloops are most beautiful. I had the opportunity to "crew" on one this past summer....Smitty:Gaff rigged sloop? Nice. ... Draws 8 feet...I'm assuming...centerboard down... Ours draws 6 with the board down...nboard in the stern?...You don't carry a diesel in the yawl boat, do ya?...Ours is in the push boat.

Smitt-onovich, I have no idea what in the hootin', hollerin' FUCK you are talking about. Nor do I have any idea how my "anima" alter-ego, Roger That, managed to dredge up such information from the bilge of my frontal and temporal lobes. But for the moment we shall assume that you actually are a real person so that I can "respond" to "you".

When I say I "crewed" on the fucking thing, that means I was a glorified tourist taking a ride on the fucking "Clearwater", ok? (I was also on the "Woodie Guthrie" a month or so earlier...nicer people run that boat). We had to do little things to make it feel like we were actually helping, like if the wind blew one way, or we were turning, we had to help move several pieces of wood and stand on another side of the boat, etc. We also had to listen to lectures and shit by nerdy little "sloop" enthusiasts who, had they actually lived in "sloop" times, would have been cast overboard by big, fishy-smelling bruisers, and used as bait for the (now endangered) sturgeon.

Here's Horsey's post admitting his blunder:

Posted by Horseonovich on 2004-12-07; 15:03:28 (message 138812; reply to 138804; 16 reads)

Oops, you caught me Rog. I dunno first thing about sailboats. I did like "Master and Commander" though .... I'd wager you did, too, but not necessarily for the boats (wink-wink you devil)

My work here is done...

2004-12-07T11:58:00.000-05:00

Today I discovered something interesting while searching for material at cruel.com.
See if you can find the common theme. Hint: I've even bolded it for you! I'm starting with a classic quote, to set the tone.

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Topic: Announcement From Horseonovich
Posted by Horseonovich on 2004-01-15; 14:56:36 (message 72015; 1180 reads)

Dear Cruel Friends and Lurkers:

It is with mixed emotions and a profound underlying sense of sadness that I must tell you all: my work here is essentially done. I now take a half-step back away from Cruel, and move on. Certain changes have come about that will not allow me to post or participate with my usual feverish fervor. Those of you that hate my guts will rejoice, and those who find me pleasing, well, shit, you may rejoice, too.

Of course, I am not leaving, just "rightsizing" my presence down to a mere trickle. Neigh, "Once a Crueller, always a Crueller" is my motto. The addiction is too great, as many of you are all too painfully aware. But meatspace duties and other interests call, and I must away!

The transition will be a painful one for old Horse. And I am by no means going to simply vanish. I'll still be around, lurking, and shall even occasionally post. Naturally, I will remain available for consultation during the peaceful transition of power to Fat Wang, my obvious heir to the throne. Also, you can of course expect my occasional riveting and timely commentaries, where I see fit. And not to worry! -- If you are one of those complete fucking assholes who have been fortunate enough to draw out my nurturing equine wrath, expect to still "feel the love" in all its grandiose bombast. After all, who am I to completely shed my duties to fuck with you?

As you are so many, and I am just one, I cannot possibly address each of you individually --but I do care for all of you (yes, even you VV-- and your Mom is in the best of hands). If anyone would like a personal goodbye, simply request it and I will comply. I expect that my transition to mostly lurking will be complete by the end of the weekend, to give you all proper time to adjust, grieve, and speak your piece.

With Love and Squalor,
Horseonovich

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No...THAT one was ok, but would have been better without all the other preamble that finally lead up to it. Had that been your ONE SOLITARY response, it would have been perfect "cruelling" --- I think you are beginning to see now. My work here is done -- Thanks, Dar. Please don't take it too fucking personally, the way I did, when they jumped all over MY shit (tho THAT did lead to some hilarious stuff)

Agreed. In retrospect, and having had a chance to review a lion's share of this growing thread (and with some time since my last postings, to ponder and reflect with Pete's Wicked ale), I NO LONGER think this is Dar. Czarina passes the "Horse's Dar-Detecto Test" and may now move on to the next phase of the initiation process: "really cruel".

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As my work here is done (that is, ensuring her state of non-darness), I defer to the elders of cruel to complete the process.

Sorry, Czar. I had to put you through the paces there ... think of me as the site "ashcroft" --can never be too careful these days.

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Oops! --You mean with the exception of the "political agitator" and the "hype machine" talents, right? Care to revise? I also found the "hack nontalent" comments to be less than objective, but I will give you that one. As to what is up my ass, nothing, besides Aude's head, which I must occasionally extract.

By the way, Wooly, presenting me with a brief accounting of your personal tastes is no refutation of me at all. I share your tastes, as a matter of fact. But I do like your "which can be impressive ... just as many misfires as homeruns" comments. It shows me that you are starting to backpedal a bit on your previous blanket statement ("Spike Lee= political agitator/hack nontalent/hype machine"). My work here is complete, so I will leave some of your pride intact.

I'll just let the "Horse's Bitch" and "considerable empirical information" (really just a dollars & cents accounting) go for now. Leave you some dignity. Glad to see you coming about on this, though. I won't rub it in because it may cause you to regress.

You're a good boy at heart, Wooly.

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Hmm ... I just read this entire thread. What have I learned? Well, I've learned that, even though it is *me* (that's right, pretenders, li'l ol' Horsey) who remains the undisputable king of "Number of CSoTD's Suggested" (Roger, you have not been around much, have you?), still my work here at Cruel is nearly done.

In Roger_That and NY Shylock, truly, I have found apt pupils who are nearly finished with their mentoring. The brazen horseshit in their contributions to this very thread tell me that the time is nearly at hand for them to (please pardon the expression) "take the reins" as Cruel's new leaders. It will be a shared leadership; a coalition, if you will. With my blessings, of course.

That's right, folks, ol' Horsey's fixin' ta ride off onto the prairie yet again. No major topic "announcements" this time. Just tears of pride as my junior spiritual progeny, that of Smitty and Shy, prepare to take control once again. I will be yielding the floor to them soon, friends. I will let you all know when.

Until then, always remember: Horsey loves you all.

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Say, Dirck. I'm waxing nostalgical tonight. Maybe it's time we formalized this "handing over of the reins". This is your board now, you know? I mean, let's face it, raw-vulgarity-over-style-&-grace seems to be en vouge these days ....

Besides, I been thinkin' maybe it's time this ol' pony took that last trot uppy yonder to that big glue factory in the sky. My work here seems nearly done, wouldn't you agree?

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Yes, yes. I would.